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Calling a spade a spade

February 27, 2012

Except that that spade may be postnatal depression or ME & winter related depression. Who knows where what starts and stops. It’s definitely reactive though.

There’s been stress from (some) family, expecting more than I can give and not listening.

Having a baby has brought people out of their holes, once. stirring up mixed emotions but mainly that of how immaterial material things are.

Jess has had colic, cue screaming and screaming. Nappy free time, baths and slinging with music and walking helped as did introducing a dummy. She also has reflux, cue more screaming esp when feeding,
lots of sick, disliked her carseat (unless someone to constantly distract next to her)… but I was reluctant to medicate (haven’t) as it wasn’t every feed and the medication has side effects and medicating her for her thrush at the beginning was a battle in itself. I had to seriously limit vegetables until relatively recently tho!

I haven’t had the right sling (or the right weather) for getting out of the house in my wheelchair with her for quite a few months.

Cabin Fever! I won’t and can’t cope with screaming unless it’s unavoidable.

I’ve beeaten myself up for not coping better. A self perpetuating cycle. Also hated how little I’ve been able to communicate with those that matter with photo/video updates.

I’m exhausted (yet I also believe that breastfeeding is affording me more energy as is the case in some autoimmune/neurological conditions)

But I’ve named it. I’m grabbing the bull by the horns. I’ve spelt how I need Sy to help me (our relationship has def suffered as we’ve had 0 time). Jess is better (ish) in her carseat now so I’ve been to rhyme time last week, I have a temporary sling and one on order and damnit external stressors can go jump! Tomorrow a neighbour is popping in for coffee. I’m lifting my head out of the sand.

There’s so much good stuff but i’ve been shoving the bad stuff under the carpet and well there’s some of it-as much as my still baby & M.E. affected brain can cope with.

I have no idea how often this will get updated.

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One comment

  1. Hang on in there, it’s been a long dark winter but spring is just around the corner.



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